The User's Guide and Manual to Padme Amidala
by Evey1812
Summary: Congratulations on your purchase of a PADME Unit!


Disclaimer: I do not own the idea for character units, and many hilarious ones have been done for other movie characters, etc. I don't own anything from Star Wars either. Enjoy!

**The User's Guide And Manual For **

**Padmé Amidala**

**Copyright Nabootiful Politicians Ltd. **

**Ric Olie, Chief Technical Advisor (The chief technical advisor is the person in charge of making this line of units!)**

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a PADME Unit! In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your sultry senator, please follow the instructions below.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Padme Amidala Naberrie

Type: Human (female)

Manufacturers: Decoys R Us & Co.

Height: 1.62 metres

Weight: 100 lbs with Amidala headdress.

ACCESSORIES

Your PADME Unit will be shipped to you as soon as possible. Units are delivered with a complete wardrobe and face paint so that your PADME Unit can change attire every 5 minutes! Hair stylists not included.

OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS

Your PADME Unit has been designed to be both user friendly and efficient. Her controls are voice activated, though she may also respond to looks that make her feel uncomfortable.

Aside from being a pleasing specimen for the eyes, the PADME Unit also has many other practical uses.

_Compassionate Listener_

Is your Jedi Master overly critical? Does he never listen? Is he holding you back? Are you really better than he is? Your PADME Unit will always be there for you to vent your anger.

_Expert in Avian Nomenclature_

Do you love the water? Do you like to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry you? Your PADME Unit can guess the names of the birds singing.

Note: If you hate sand, you might instead enjoy your PADME Unit's soft and smooth texture.

_Civil Rights Activist_

Are you too busy to protest injustice? Your PADME Unit passionately promotes democracy, peace, and the freeing of all slaves.

Note: Your PADME Unit will not actually lift a finger to ensure any of these ideals.

CLEANING

Along with changing her attire every five minutes, your PADME Unit must also sport a new hairstyle in every scene. We suggest you consider purchasing at least one HANDMAIDEN Unit to assist with your PADME Unit's grooming.

PADME Units must be hand washed and line dried.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

**Q:** Why won't my PADME Unit take a walk with me?

**A: **Are you going down a path she can't follow? You might try selecting a new route.

**Q: **My PADME Unit appears to be very disturbed. She keeps asking me, "What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we have been fighting to destroy?" What is going on?

**A: **Has your PADME Unit been watching the Fox News Channel? Suitable television programming for your PADME Unit include the following: Animal Planet, Dr. Phil, and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

**Q: **Why is my PADME Unit's speech significantly deeper than usual?

**A: **You probably have your PADME Unit's voice chip set in QUEEN AMIDALA mode. Simply change the voice settings back to PADME mode.

**Q: **My PADME Unit seems to be attracted to little boys. Is my PADME Unit a pedophile?

**A: **Due to poor scripting choices, your PADME Unit will often experience a CRADLE ROBBING ERROR. When this occurs, run the You'll Always Be The Little Boy I Knew On Tatooine Systems Check.

TROUBLESHOOTING

**Problem: **My PADME Unit has no breasts.

**Solution: **You have accidentally been issued the SABE Unit of the Decoy Line of Units, which has been modeled after the figure of Keira Knightley. We unfortunately have not yet developed the combination chip with PADME's "flat acting" and SABE's "flat chest" overrides.

**Problem: **Assassins keep trying to kill my PADME Unit.

**Solution: **Remove your PADME Unit to her villa in Naboo. It is common knowledge that Star Wars VILLIAN Units never look for Star Wars HERO Units on their home planets (see TROUBLESHOOTING instructions for LUKE Unit).

**Problem: **My PADME Unit's eyebrows appear to be stuck in a vertical position.

**Solution: **Are you breaking your PADME Unit's heart? Have you changed? Simply tell your PADME Unit that you will go away with her and leave the rest behind. Force-choking your PADME Unit is not recommended.

**Problem: **My PADME Unit seems very depressed lately.

**Solution: **Hold your PADME Unit like you did by the lake on Naboo; so long ago when there was nothing but your love. No politics, no plotting, no war.

FINAL NOTE

Nabootiful Politicians Ltd. is in no way responsible for PADME Units dying in childbirth. We hope you enjoy your PADME Unit and that this is a happy moment, the happiest moment of your life.


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